Recognizing The Signs Of Sex Addiction

“Am I A Sex Addict?”

This is a question I am often asked when someone is struggling with sexual behavior.

If sex has become a problem or you have had some consequences because of your sexual behavior, then you may be asking yourself this same question.

Many people have questions about their sexual behavior, especially if it has become problematic. You are not alone.

After you finish reading this page, you will have a good understanding if you are struggling with sex addiction.

When assessing for sex addiction, certified sex addiction therapists usually look at three significant factors.

Consequences
Coping
Efforts To Stop

First look at the consequences.

Be as honest as you can, even if it’s painful, about the consequences you face. This is how you can see the signs of sex addiction in your life.

• Have you continued destructive sexual behavior despite the obvious consequences?
• Have you lost a job or frequently experience lost productivity because of your sexual behavior?
• Are you continuing with acting out despite its impact on your relationships?
• Are you repeatedly putting essential aspects of your life at risk because of your sexual choices?

When a person struggles with sex addiction, they often continue the destructive sexual behavior knowing they could face or in spite of having faced the consequences in the past. They often feel like they are sacrificing the things that are important to them to be sexual. They continue despite knowing the most likely results are more pain, grief, and shame.

After you have stopped and thought about these consequences and answered these questions you may have begun to see the signs in your own life.

The consequences were all around me. I was losing my wife and family, plus my job was in jeopardy. Everything that I had worked so hard for was at risk, and here I was again. I could see what I was about to lose, but did it anyway.

Second, we look at emotional coping.

When you look at this question, slow down and think. Be mindful of what your thoughts and feelings are. These signs of sex addiction are important.

Do you find that you engage in destructive sexual behavior at certain times more than others?
Do you use sex as a way to cope with the stress and strains of your life?
Has sex become a way for you to escape from depression, anxiety or loneliness?

Stop and think about the times that you engage in your destructive sexual behavior.

Is it when you feel a certain lack of ease or some other emotional discomfort? Is it when you are bored or depressed?

For the sex addict, sex becomes their primary way to deal with uncomfortable feelings and moods. It is their primary strategy for regulating emotional discomfort.

Now that hard part of this is that sex is a beautiful part of being alive, and it can help us feel better when we are not feeling great. But when it becomes a primary way of coping with life’s difficulties that can be a sign that sex may be serving another purpose.

Ask yourself, has sex become my way of coping with life?

It was always the same. I told myself that I deserve this. I had worked so hard to be successful and dealt with so much stress that a little relief just seemed justified. Plus I was lonely most of the time anyway. It seemed like a good way to deal with it all.

Third, we look at efforts to stop.

For a person who struggles with sex addiction, they often make efforts to stop or control their behavior. On some level, you know this behavior is destructive. Most likely you have made several promises to stop or change. Most sex addicts have tried all sorts of strategies to improve but end up back in the same place. Sex addicts often feel out of control when it comes to the acting out behavior. You may feel like your sexual behavior is talking you in a direction you don’t like.

You can ask yourself, How many time have I told myself that I need to change or stop what I’m doing.

I had made hundreds of promises to myself that I would stop. I have even tossed several expensive computers away because I kept going back to porn. I had almost just given up. It felt hopeless. Maybe I was just a lost cause.

After looking at these, you may have an answer to your question. Knowing this is part of part of the process, and if you are struggling with sex addiction, then you have already decided that you want to change.

You are going to feel better once you know you are getting help.

We realize how difficult it is to ask for help. We understand the feelings around sex addiction and are not here to judge you. We are here to help you. This is a safe place to finally get the skills and support needed to change once you recognize the signs of sex addiction.

We are here to help.