Many partners of sex addicts have difficulty trusting their “gut instincts” that something is wrong in their relationship. If unfamiliar with what sex addiction looks like, they may never have been concerned about the addict’s behavior during the relationship’s earlier stages.
Sex addiction introduces distrust into their lives, which can lead to confusion and fear about how this will affect their relationship as well as their own personal identity.
We work with many spouses and partners of individuals struggling with sex and porn addiction treatment , and their stories reveal similar “red flag” behaviors that occurred prior to their discovery of the addiction.
These include:
- Changes in sexual behaviors — Your spouse or partner may be less interested in sex, may not be able to maintain an erection during sex, or may be pressuring you to act out specific sexual fantasies.
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Financial red flags — You may notice charges on your credit card statements for hotel rooms, massage parlors, or strip clubs. You also may notice an increase in cash withdrawals from bank accounts.
- Increased time spent online — Your spouse or partner may state they need to “work late” on the computer more frequently. You also may notice the browser history has been erased.
- Online chats through social media sites — You may have discovered that your spouse or partner has been using new apps or programs to contact people and to send inappropriate messages.
- Spending more time alone or away from home — Your spouse or partner may stop attending social events and family gatherings. Your partner also may be encouraging you to spend more time away from home.
- Emotional changes — You may notice an increase in your spouse or partner’s anger and irritability if things don’t go their way.
- Increasingly unreachable — Your spouse or partner may be unable to account for periods of time when they are unreachable. They might state that their phone battery died or they didn’t have reception.
- Possessive of and/or preoccupied with phone, tablet, computer — You may discover multiple phone numbers and/or email accounts for your spouse or partner. Passwords may have been changed without your knowledge.
If your spouse or partner has demonstrated one or more of the above behaviors, it may be time to seek support. Before an addict enters recovery, they often deny and manipulate the truth in a desperate attempt to keep their addiction hidden.
We understand how scary this situation can be, and it may be difficult to know what to do or who to turn to for help.You are not crazy. There is hope. And we can help you.