There are many thousands of misconceptions about something that has been around from before, we as a species, created fire and built tents. Over all these years, building a relationship and a family should be a natural instinct, but we approach it the way a child would if handed advanced trigonometry. We are easily influenced by prose and poetry, building ideals in our minds that can never truly be achieved and when we face the harsh reality that there is no such thing as a happily ever after, it just comes crashing down.

A good relationship is defined by not having to work hard on it

You have surely heard a similar iteration of that statement before. A good relationship should gel two people, yes, situations should not be constantly hard to deal with, and there has to be some sort of chemistry between people. On the other hand, you will also have to work hard to keep it up. The hard work has to come from both sides. Go back to the machine allegory- a machine will run smoothly and almost indefinitely, but only if it is maintained. Spares and worn out parts have to be replaced, and over time, it may end up looking like a whole different thing than when it started, but if it is running smoothly, that is all you need from it. There is a point to be made here, and at times a lot of hard work will still leave you unsatisfied and unhappy. There are times when the machine is damaged beyond repair and has to be scrapped.

You should simply know what is running in your partner’s mind

No one can read your mind, you cannot read anyone’s mind. There is no real way to tell what your partner is thinking unless they actually tell you. ‘I have an intuition though’, no, you are making assumptions based on past events. You may be right a lot of the times, but you can never be right all of the time. Sit down and speak, communicate with your partner, make sure you say, are heard, and listen to what is being said, there really is no other way through this, you can even enrol the services of relationship counselling and marriage therapy if needed.

My passion is a never fading furnace

Bad news, there is no furnace that can burn forever without fuel! You need to fuel the passion, work on it, keep things exciting, and make sure that life doesn’t get trapped inside a routine. Routine is a passion killer, so break it, even if momentarily and be spontaneous. Pick up your partner after work on a Friday and drive off on a weekend getaway. Try new things in bed, get naughty, get dirty, you never know, it may just be the kindling you needed all along. Make your furnace a never fading one, it is not the default setting.

Fights are to be avoided at all costs

Make love, not war, right? Not always. Fights do not dent a relationship as much as you might think. What really destroys it are the unresolved fights. Fights, are in fact, quite healthy. Fight with passion, debate, argue, and bare your soul, but make sure you resolve it. Couple’s therapy will tell you that fights, contrary to popular notion, is likely to make your relationship stronger.  

Keep watching this space for part 2.

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201508/10-common-relationship-myths-and-why-theyre-all-wrong

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/relationship-myths/

http://psychcentral.com/lib/8-surprising-myths-about-relationships/