What leads to an affair or infidelity?
A few of the biggest questions someone asks after an affair are “Why? How could I not see this? Did I miss the signs? If only I had seen it, I could of done something different. How could they do this to our family?”
“Looking back now I begin to understand why this all happened. We were lost in the kids and lost in work. I was always worried about them, and not about my partner. I just thought my partner knew I loved them and that we would have time for each other once the kids were out of the house on their own. I guess we should have focused more on each other.”
This is an unprecedented level of heartbreak. At this point, you may wish that your heart couldn’t feel anything at all.
After you have been in a relationship for a significant period of time, it is not uncommon for couples get so caught up in the daily routine of life that they neglect the “spark” that attracted them to each other in the beginning.
There are a lot of reasons for affairs and no one can list them all, but we do see some themes that emerge in relationships that have suffered infidelity. Sometimes you and your partner may be looking for something more out of the relationship or maybe something is lacking. Here is a list of a few of them:
It is unlikely that you missed one thing, since the progression from a single relationship to an affair is usually gradual. It is more likely that there were tiny red flags going up every few days, weeks, months, or even years until you didn’t even see them pop up anymore and they just became the norm.
What are those red flags?
You and your partner are the best judges of the health of your relationship. If a significant number of these red flags resonated with you, it would be a good idea for you and your partner should sit down and intentionally evaluate what is going on. It is healthy for relationships to have ups and downs, but you never want to get to the point where the “downs” lead you away from each other.
To read more about red flags that could indicate relationship trouble, check out this