It can feel like your heart has left you or you are watching your life shatter right in front of you. You say to yourself, “How could this happen to me? We have the perfect marriage!” or “What is wrong with me that she or he had to find someone else? How could he flat out lie to me for weeks/months/years?!” Your world has been turned upside down.
Some people call this D-Day. The day of discovery. Everything in your life has exploded because of one secret being revealed.
“I will never forget the day I picked up his phone and saw the text messages. At first I could not believe it. Something has to be wrong about this. But then it sank in and my heart cracked. My husband was cheating on me.”
Discovery is painful. It hurts in a deep way and you can feel completely lost. Slow down and take a deep breath and know there is support. If you are struggling, here are some things you can do now.
But I feel crazy. Are all these feelings normal?
The short answer is yes. Your feelings are normal. Intimate betrayal causes trauma, and with trauma causes an array of different and difficult emotions. While it might feel like you are drowning under the waves of anger and hurt, normal reactions can include:
If you find yourself in this position, knowing the secrets of the person who you thought you trusted more than anyone else, know that there is hope. Though the road to reconciliation after a betrayal like this is long and bumpy, there are others along the way who can help you heal.
Reach out to:
Know that you may begin to question or doubt even the most foundational things about your life. It is normal and understandable to shift from blaming your partner for their actions to blaming yourself for pushing them to that point or for not seeing the signs that your relationship was in trouble. But remember that this is not your fault.
Even though your partner feels betrayed and is likely experiencing a level of trauma as they process your infidelity, following the right path to reconciliation and seeking forgiveness can result in renewed mutual trust. This will take time and energy and you will have a lot of emotions and logistics to work through, but the satisfaction that can result from saving your relationship is unparalleled and it is worth the effort to find healing.
If you are struggling with infidelity in your relationship please reach out to us. Our counselors can help you overcome the hurt and pain and find a path towards healing.
Call us today.