Counseling For Infidelity

Counseling for Infidelity In Long Beach

Infidelity does not always mean that a relationship is over.

Most of the time both partners want to work to save the relationship. At Novus, we have found that many couples harmed by infidelity stay together and work it out. Professional counseling can help speed up the process of healing the relationship. In some cases, infidelity counseling helps both partners discover what they need in their relationship. Counseling can help a couple set clear expectations and clear goals going forward.

“Happy people cheat.” Esther Perel

As Perel describes, people who love each other
have affairs.

Our experience here at Novus Mindful Life Family Counseling and Recovery has shown us that when people cheat, it is not because they do not love their spouse or partner or want to end their relationship. Most of our clients love and cherish their families and have a strong desire to keep them intact and happy! Many people who cheat, believe in monogamy and faithfulness but have found themselves crossing a line where their behavior does not match that belief. The reasons for that vary from an erotic experience that proved too tempting when the opportunity arose to the desire to change some part of themselves (as opposed to their partner who they love.) The point is, infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end. It can, in some ways, be a wake-up call, and potentially the start of a new beginning.

What Causes Infidelity?

The causes of infidelity aren’t always what they appear to be. According to psychologists, it is possible that a one-time affair may be a result of factors such as unmet needs, poor communication with the partner, loneliness, infatuation, loss of love in a relationship and so on. However, a lot of times, individuals tend to sexualize rather than dealing with some deep-seated emotional pain inside of them. Partners often don’t know how to talk about the problems they have in the relationship. A professional counselor can help couples understand what set the stage for infidelity in the relationship.

Generally speaking, a fulfilling relationship requires both partners to feel stable and secure. It is built on strong emotional and physical intimacy and natural companionship. In the absence of these critical factors, it is likely that one or both the individuals in the relationship may feel dissatisfied. This dissatisfaction increases the risk of infidelity.

It is natural for both partners to undergo depression, a deep sense of loss and anxiety after the revelation of something as serious as infidelity. Research indicates that betrayed spouse’s reactions are similar to post-traumatic stress symptoms experienced by the survivors of life-threatening or catastrophic events. So it is important for betrayed person to reach out for support. A counselor can help a betrayed partner sort out what they want to say to family and friends, and understand the possible consequences of doing so.

Treatment – Infidelity counseling

It is important to remember that you are not alone. Many couples have faced this issue. Getting professional help can help steer the process in the right direction.

I was devastated when I found out. I knew that we were having problems, but I never realized that my partner would have an affair. I was crushed. I thought I would never survive and it was the end of our relationship. With some help, we have rebuilt our relationship and know more about each other now than we ever did before.

Even though infidelity can be a devastating event in a person’s life, there is hope for couples who have even the slightest desire to keep their relationship together. Infidelity counseling has helped a lot of marriages to survive. Family and marriage therapists reveal that several of these marriages have even become stronger post couples therapy.

When undertaking infidelity counseling, therapists often use the interpersonal trauma model to work with the couple. This is a process of healing and recovering that ultimately leads to forgiveness. In the first stage, the counselor tries to establish safety to reduce the intensity of the shock by addressing the traumatic symptoms and painful emotions.

The narration of the story about the extramarital involvement (EMI) and sharing his/her vulnerabilities comprises the second stage of therapy. The integration of the affair and its meaning into the present while moving past it is the last stage, that is, the affected partner begins to heal, and forgives.

If you have been betrayed, forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself when you are ready to do so. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened but creating a new relationship to it. Building a relationship that is built on understanding and self-compassion. This goes for the betrayer as well.

It takes time to heal from infidelity.

During infidelity counseling, a therapist can also help in clarifying the true status of the relationship. This is done by undertaking an honest evaluation of the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship. In case the couples demonstrate unhealthy patterns such as emotional abuse, codependency, repeated affairs and so on, the therapist could work around these core issues. Further, counseling may also be helpful to those who hold themselves responsible for their partner’s act of infidelity. A therapist could help such people work through their feelings and gain new perspectives. This is not something that you or your partner forget, but forgiveness is possible and if you are the one that has been betrayed. It is a give to yourself.